I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
