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Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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