Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
