you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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