ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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