just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
