Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I want a musical about memes.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
