I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
