Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
