please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
