i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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