I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
