It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
