I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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