I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
