Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
