i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
