with your own penis?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
