This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
