she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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