Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
