Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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