Your dad touched me again.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
