I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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