Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
