We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
