I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You made out with two different species that night
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
