what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
