you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
