Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
