Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize