i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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