Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
