You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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