You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
