just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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