I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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