it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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