Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
