Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
