I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm too high and old for this...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
