peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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