Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i think my mom watched the whole time
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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