she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
