i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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