so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
