youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
