mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
