it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
