I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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