Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
