but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
