haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
