I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
