I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
