The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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