Dual....:-)
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
