She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
