3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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