It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
