Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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