Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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