Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
