I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just found a bag of teeth...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
