why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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