It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
