Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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