on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
